Our Brave Little Soldier

Thursday was a difficult day for all of us. For one thing, we really need to leave Nanchang. We've been here since Sunday and we've seen every corner of the hotel...twice.

But yesterday was hard also as Nathanael really started grieving yesterday. On Sunday, his grief came out in anger. Yesterday was different.

He did not sleep well Wednesday night. During the day, he was restless an uncooperative. After supper, however, was when we saw what was really happening.

The game plan after supper was to take him to the pool. He loves the pool and water in general. But we weren't back to the room very long and Nathanael got very quiet and still. His eyes got red and tears started streaming down his face. He did not want to cry, but he couldn't stop it.

It wasn't the loud cries of an angry or frustrated child. It was the quiet tears of real personal grief. For all of his motion and energy, he just sat in Jennifer's lap quietly crying for 35 minutes. Eventually he climbed down, no longer crying, but still quite subdued. He climbed up in the bed with me, laid next to me with his head on my shoulder. I sang to him and, after about 20 minutes he finally fell asleep.

Imagine. He's 2 1/2. He's with people he's only beginning to get to know. He's about to leave his hometown today. His world is upside down.

For all of his rambunctiousness, I couldn't help but admire him. Those tears are the same tears I see so many people deny themselves of. Sometimes people need to cry like that. They are the quiet tears of grief. Life carries with it its losses. Those who take a cavalier attitude toward personal loss are only setting themselves up for more problems down the road. One person I had the privilege of serving in my first parish once said to me, "There's something deeply wrong with a person who cannot or will not cry." I agree.

Nathanael's tears stirred me very deeply. He needed to do that. Today we leave his hometown and we do not know if or when we will return. I admire him so much right now. He's our brave little soldier.

Today he's a different kid, as happy as he was on Monday and Tuesday. He's helping us pack and he's going to get his last trip to the pool in a little while. Later today we fly to Guangzhou for the last phase of the trip. The change in scenery can't come fast enough.